Through The Window
by lifelesslyndsey
Summary: If I imprinting was less about finding that perfect some one, and more about finding that some one who makes you perfect, you never know where you might find it. Love might bring out the best in us, but first it brings out the worst. (reposting, see AN for details) SamxBella
1. Relativity

**Chapter One – Relativity**

**Title:**Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing:**SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary:** If I imprinting was less about finding that perfect some one, and more about finding that some one who makes you perfect, you never know where you might find it. Love might bring out the best in us, but first it brings out the worst.

**A/N**this isn't beta'd yet. _***It is now, boobuluh. ~ MsEC***_

**A/N See notes at bottom of chapter for reasoning behind re-post. Chapters should go up daily. **

**CHAPTER ONE**

**RELATIVITY**

**Bella**

Throughout the course of our lives, we run away from much. From the truth, from responsibility, from ourselves; the fact of the matter is that much of our life is spent running from something. I found myself running from the past, from monsters. But I was like a dog with its tail; I only ever went in circles. Probably because I didn't know where else to go.

**Sam**

Too much of our time is spent attempting to fight stigma. I know I am not the man my father was, but I find myself fighting to prove it anyway. It seemed the world would offer me a cornucopia of chances to prove myself otherwise. Instead of the coward Joshua had been, I'd been thrust into the position of leader. I never wanted to prove myself, I just wanted to _be_. But I was anything but a coward, so when the time came for me to lead, I led. I endeavored to be a good son, a good man, while striving to be myself; discover myself while holding my head high and forcing myself to never waver. When the time came to teach, I taught. When the time came to fight, I fought. And after awhile, that was all I knew how to do.

_**"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's**__**relativity**__**."**_

**- Albert Einstein**

"That was Bella, on her cell," Billy said, hanging the phone up on its hook. His expression was disdainful. He didn't mean to judge, it wasn't his way, but his boy was a mess and he blamed the Cullens and, by proxy, the girl. Hell, we all did. The Swan girl's affiliation with _them_ burnt him in a way that wasn't her fault, but that didn't take the sting out of it. "Said she's walking here. Idjit."

"Dad," Jacob pleaded, looking a little too broken for my liking, on the couch, his head hanging in his hands. Never did well with emotions and the boy was full of them. "Please."

"She ain't good for you, Jake," Billy said, flinching when Jacob's shoulders trembled. "She's so hung up on _them_, son. She can't see past it. Blinded by a bunch'a bullshit."

"She was," he argued, and I could attest to as much, but I wasn't about to speak out against Billy, an _Elder_. Wasn't done, not by me, even if I had _so much_ to say. "She was doing better, getting past it. God, Dad. You saw her; you know she was getting better."

"She ain't good for you," Billy repeated. "She didn't love you, Jake. She loved that summabitch leech, and I don't want to see you getting your heart broke."

"I know she didn't love me," Jake said, hands shaking. "But she was my friend."

He sounded like a child; they all did at first. It wouldn't last, I thought. Nothing ever did, on the Rez.

"Any friend of theirs Jake, ain't no friend of yours," Billy said roughly, crunching his beer can in his palm as if to prove a point. He was power past its prime but that did not mean he held no reigns. If anything, he held more with age.

I bit my tongue, and laid a hand on Jacob, curled it over his trembling shoulder. Billy thought they were monsters. But what were _we_, if not monsters in our own right? They'd done nothing to wrong us, kept to their parts, and struggled to do right by the world. I hadn't asked to be a wolf and I doubted they'd ask to be vampires. Didn't feel right to judge them for what they couldn't help.

I didn't say as much; I never did.

"I'll take her home," I said, giving Jake a squeeze. He looked grateful, if not a little broken, and I could see the disappointment in Billy's eyes as I passed him. "That's Charlie's kid, you know," I said gently. "His little girl, his daughter. You got girls out there, Billy. You want them walking in the rain by themselves? Especially with what we've been smelling lately?" It was as far as I would push it, but it was enough. The disappointment crumbled, begrudging, but gone.

"Charlie needs to keep a leash on that girl," Billy said with a huff. "Damn bitch Renee done fucked her all up."

It was easy to blame a mother who wasn't there to defend herself, so I let him, pushing out the screen door, and letting it smack shut behind me. I had a lot of respect for the man, but my Momma taught me you never talked about a woman, no matter the woman, like that. Billy could talk a lotta shit about Renee, but his Sarah hadn't exactly been a saint.

From what I heard tell, they'd been thick as thieves back in their day. _Wild_ women.

I found her, sopping wet on the side of the road, trudging along like a women on a war path. I pulled up behind her, but she paid me no mind, simply tugged the red hood of her jacket up further and huffed roughly. "Swan," I said, hopping out of my truck and shaking my head as the rain fell, painting cool paths on my hot skin. "Come on, get in the truck."

"Sam Uley, right?" she said, walking along as I followed, not even bothering to look me in the eye. I could smell the vodka on her, hear the bottle sloshing in the bag on her shoulder. _Drunk_. Of course I'd find her drunk. That was what my life had become; ruling over rebellious teens. "You ain't taking me back, Sam. I don't know what the fuck you're up to with Jake and the others, but I want to see him."

She was drunk and worked up; too much energy and no where to put it. It wouldn't do any good to stop her the way she was. I let her walk, figuring as wet as she was, a little more rain wasn't going to hurt her and it was just best to let her wear herself out. "It isn't safe," I said at last, watching her press on. "You know about _safe_, Swan?"

She faltered, foot slipping in the mud, but never paused. "_Be safe_," she murmured, fists clenched at her sides. I couldn't see her face, but I could hear the frown. "Fuck safe. I never needed safe. All I need is Jake."

"Come on Swan," I said, falling in step behind her. "Let's go back to the truck. I'll take you home. Like I said, it isn't safe out here, alone like this."

She rounded on me then, stopping short and spinning, anger burning in her eyes, bitter as raw cinnamon. "What do you know about safe, Sam Uley? What the hell do you know?"

It was instant. Through the window came the wind, and blew my life apart. Her freckles were dark against her pale skin, speckled across the bridge of her nose and cheek bones. I was frozen, too heavy and too light all at once as I found myself cemented to reason and purpose. She blinked, and I stared, open mouthed, rain catching on my lip. I knew what was happening; that much was instinctual. "I know about vampires," I said, because she'd asked me a question, and I didn't have it in me to lie; not to her, not any more. "About the Cullens."

"What," she said, breathless and slurred. "I...no. I don't know what your talking about."

It hurt that she'd lie to me, but I knew better than to dwell. Imprinting; what a twisted thorn in my already fucked up life. "You don't have to protect them from me, Swan. I know what they are."

Her mouth fell open, closed, and open again as she looked at the mud beneath her feet. "How?" She asked finally, tilting her head up to look at me. "I mean..."

I could see her breath when she exhaled, warm against the cold air. "Let's go back to the truck."

"I can't go home," she said, swallowing. "Charlie can't see me like this. I um...I thought maybe Jake would talk to me. I...uh. Does he know...about the Cullens? Is that why he won't talk to me?"

"Billy Black is why he won't talk to you," I said, turning expectantly. She fell in stride beside me and I did my best to pace myself when she struggled. _Imprint_, my mind screamed; protect-need-want-protect. "They know. Billy and Jake, they both know about the Cullens. The situation...is complicated."

"But you'll tell me?" She said, craning her head to look up at me as she asked. "You'll tell me, right?"

I'd tell her anything she asked, though she hardly needed to know that. "Yes," I said at last. "But I can't take you to Jake's."

"Oh. Um. I guess...you can take me home then," she said, biting" into her lip. "I mean. I..."

"I have a house," I said, sounding awkward even in my own mind. "We can talk there." She hesitated, but I didn't. "You can sober up, and I'll tell you what's going on, if you'll listen."

"I'll listen," she said at once, brown eyes a little brighter. "What's wrong with him?"

A loaded question that wouldn't go unanswered, of course. "Nothing's wrong with him. Nothing more than the rest of them. Just get in the truck."

She faltered again, hand curling over the rusted silver handle of the truck door. "How can I even trust you?"

It earned a laugh out of me, though it might have been a bit bitter. "You managed to trust the Cullen boy," I said calmly, watching in interest at the way she flinched. "_I_ don't bite."

The truck hummed along the pavement, in harmony with the falling raindrops. It was the only sound to be heard. She was dead silent, and I wasn't sure I was ready to talk. I wasn't even sure where to begin. By right, I could tell her everything; as my imprint she was part of the tribe. She was Pack.

I didn't know where to begin.

She was shaking, wet clothes clinging to her skin, and I cranked the heater full blast and ignored the sweat dripping down my neck. "Do you mind?" she asked, fingers slipping a damp cigarette out of pack she'd freed from her bag. She lit it without my reply, white smoke curling over her bottom lip like a waterfall as she exhaled.

"Yeah, I do," I said, reaching over with one hand and plucking it out of her mouth. I set it between my own lips and bit back a grimace. Menthol. Kids these days. "You're barely legal."

"Like you care," she snapped back, rolling her eyes and reaching for her pack again.

I laughed, because I cared, as of five minutes prior, I _cared_. I grabbed the pack out her hands, squeezing it in my palm before chucking it out the window. "You have no idea."

To that, it seemed, she had nothing to say and the rest of the trip was spent in silence. When the time came to talk, she stood in my tiny kitchen, dripping puddles on my tile, hair pasted to her face and throat in thick, twisting curls. "Call your father, tell him where you're at."

"What?" she said, head snapping up. "No. You can't tell me what to do."

"You call your father, and tell him where you're at, or I call your father and tell him how I found you," I replied easily, switching the thermostat from air to heat. "It's up to you."

"I wouldn't have agreed to come with you if I'd known you were going to be an asshole," she said quietly, pale fingers curling over my oak counter top. She tapped her nails against the polished wood, and gave me a pointed look. "Well? Give me the phone."

**A/N FFnet pulled this fic, stealing away nearly all four thousand of your cheerleading and heartfelt reviews. I feel robbed. You guys carried me through this fic, ranted and raged when I broke your heart, only to build you back up again. We laughed. We cried. We screamed at eachother, and fanfic stole that over three minor scenes of an adult nature. And yet, there are baby-rape fics out there, graphic BDSM, molestation, incest, ect. But they took this, one drunk-fuck, and two fad to blacks. Seriously. So I will be posting it again, cutting out the kitchen scene, the ONLY real graphic scene in the whole massive fic. Because this story is my baby, and it belongs here, where you can enjoy it.**

**I would love to get back my reviews, but knowing that this story is back up where it belongs (where it can be shared and enjoyed) is enough for me.**


	2. Communication

**Chapter Two – Communication**

**Title:**Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author**: lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing:**SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary:**He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know how you might find it. Love might bring out the best in us, but first it brings out the worst.

.

_**"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."**_

_**- George Bernard Shaw**_

"I wouldn't have agreed to come with you if I'd known you were going to be an asshole," she said quietly, pale fingers curling over my oak counter top. She tapped her bitten-nails against the polished wood, and gave me a pointed look. "_Well_? Give me the phone."

I handed her my land-line phone, leaning against the fridge as she dialed. I could hear the worry in Charlie's voice as he answers. _"Sam? What is it?"_

"It's me Dad," she said at once, eyes fluttering to a close. She rubbed her temple tiredly, forcing the words to come out right. "I was walking to Jake's, when it started raining. Sam picked me up. Figured I'd hang around here, since we were closer to La Push than Forks anyway. Gonna wait the rain out."

_"What were you doing walking, Bella? You knew it was going to rain. Hell, it's always going to rain here. It's Forks,_" he replied, forcing a chuckle. _"I told you I'd get your truck fixed this weekend, kiddo."_

"Yeah well, I just needed out of the house okay?" she gritted, tension creeping into her voice. Her fingers flattened against the counter, knuckles white. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it? I just...I wanted to see Jake."

"_Bells_," Charlie began, his voice suddenly strained. _"You know Jacob isn't feeling so hot; you heard what Billy said. You gotta give the boy some time to heal. He'll be right as rain in no time and you two can get to getting, with...whatever it is you, uh...do with him."_

"God, Dad." Her breath shuddered out as her mouth drew tight. She read like a book, every little emotion right there on her face. "It wasn't like...that. Jesus. You know it wasn't like that. I'm just not...ready, or whatever since...yeah. Ugh. Shut up. You know Jake is just my friend."

_"Alright, Bells,"_ Charlie said, laughing a little lighter. _"Just...don't you go bugging him. You need me to pick you up?"_

Her eyes flickered up to me, narrowed but bright. "No," she said slowly. "No, I'll hang around here for a while, like I said, wait the rain out. Sam doesn't mind."

I raised a brow at that, but all I got in return was a smug grin.

"Love you, Dad," she said, thumbing the off button. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic," I replied. "How drunk are you? Need-to-eat-drunk or need-to-puke-drunk?"

"I'm somewhere between tipsy and shut-the-fuck-up," she replied blithely. "You said you'd spill, so fucking spill. This isn't a courtesy visit."

Her attitude grated on me, my mind screaming for harmony where there was only discord. But I wouldn't beg; I'd promised myself when I first fell to all four paws that no matter what I was, I'd always be me. She might have been made for me, and she might have been mine, but I was still a man, and I had my dignity. No soaking wet ninety pound girl was going to treat me like dirt. Her teenage shit-fit heartbreak sob story might have worked on her daddy, and even on Jake, but I was in just deep enough to be sick of it.

"Listen up," I said, pushing up from where I had been leaning against the fridge. "I don't _have_ to tell you shit, so get off that fucking pedestal before you fall off. You think because I'm not a vampire, not fighting to keep myself from sucking you dry, that you can treat me like shit?" Her eyes widened, black pupils dilating wide into the brown as I stepped into her light. "Well I got news for you, _Little Red_," I said, tugging the frayed collar of her jacket's hood. "Your Cullens? They weren't the only monsters in these woods."

She licked her lips, heart hammering in her chest so hard I could see it, thumping beneath her skin. "You don't scare me," she said, shakily. "And the Cullens weren't monsters."

Leaning back with a dark laugh, I shook my head at her, before tossing her the threadbare dishtowel hanging off my oven door. "I'm glad you think so," I said, as she caught it. "It'll certainly make my life easier. Get cleaned up, and we'll talk. I'll bring you something dry to wear."

"Can't you just tell me?" she asked, towel hanging limp in her hands. "Fuck the niceties. I just want to know what's happening to Jake."

"And I'll tell you," I replied, watching her clench her teeth. "After you get dry and sober up a bit. So, the sooner you just fuckin' do it, the better. The bathroom is the only door on the left."

It was a snap decision and maybe not one of my best ones. I wasn't thinking clearly, instinctively thrilled that I had found my mate, while being at a complete loss on what step to take next. So while she disappeared into the only door on the left, and after I had left her dry things to wear, I peeled off my clothes, letting them fall to the floor in piles as I phased. Seeing was believing, after all.

I could smell the rain on her skin. Like a dog in my goddamn kitchen, I sprawled out on the floor into what I hoped was a harmless position; the tiles were cold against the warm skin of my belly as I lay waiting for her return. It didn't keep her from screaming when she saw me, stumbling back against the refrigerator, eyes wide in terror. "Sam. Sam? Sam!" she bellowed, eyes flickering across the kitchen as I pushed to my paws. She scrambled out of the way, crab-walking backwards as I disappeared behind the other side of the kitchen counter. Phasing back, I raised to my feet, peering down at her where she sat, nothing but cabinetry keeping me from indecent exposure.

"I thought you said you weren't afraid of me," I commented loftily, grabbing my jeans off the floor. I slid them over myself, snapping the button as she gaped at me. "Well?"

"You're a...you're a..."

"A werewolf," I finished, watching what little color remained in her cheeks drain away. "So are Jacob, and Paul, and Embry, and Jared. Quill, soon."

"Holy shit," she breathed, back against the wall. She hung her head in her hands, heart hammering on her chest. "Holy fucking shit. I mean...just...Fuck. This is...this is why Jacob won't see me?"

I dropped down to the floor next to her, ignoring the way she flinched. Sure, it stung, but I expected as much. "Billy is why Jacob won't see you. This...we're wolves because of the Cullens. No one knows why, but our people hadn't changed in centuries, before the Cullens came, when my father's father was young. When they returned, decades later, it set the change in motion for my generation."

"What does that have to do with me?" Bella asked, looking up from her palms. "I mean, what did I do?"

"You crawled into bed with them," I said simply, shrugging my shoulders. "You knew what they were, and you didn't care. Billy...blames them for his son's curse. And you for your affiliation."

"That isn't fair," she replied, and I had expected as much.

"It isn't. None of it is. Billy has to watch his son suffer; sacrifice his future for the sake of our Tribe. What's worse is that the Cullens left before it ever came about for Jacob; stayed just long enough to fuck every one over. Yourself included, I should think."

"Yeah but I mean...what they did to me, it wasn't like this," she said, sympathetic. "I mean..."

"A broken heart isn't exactly the same as a life altering curse?" I asked, raising a brow. "You'll get over the Cullen boy. But we'll never really be quit of this."

She gave me a cold look, head tilted to the side. Her hair had begun to curl again, twisting into frizzy, damp waves. "I know what you think," she replied, glaring at me through her lashes. "What every one things. That it wasn't really _love_. That this...thing, with me...is just some...high school romance, but it isn't. I _loved_ him. No one gets that. No one understands how you could wake up one morning, and find yourself in love. To know that you found that one person in the world _made_ for you,"

It startled a laugh out of me, and her scowl deepened. "I'm not laughing at you," I assured her, springing up from my crouch and pulling her up with me. "I'm... well. I'm laughing at me, I guess."

She wobbled slightly, hiking up a pair of my old sleep pants, drawstring pulled tight around her painfully narrow waist. Her palms were still cold where she pressed them against me. "Whoa, you're like burning up."

"It's a werewolf thing," I replied, letting her steady herself on my arm. The urge to grab her and hold on was bubbling beneath my skin, but I'd suppressed worse urges in my time. "The warmer the core body temperature, the faster we regenerate. Right now, Paul runs the hottest, and heals the fasted. He's also the quickest to...snap. It all correlates, I'm sure."

"Snap? What do you mean snap?" she asked, leaning her back against the kitchen counter. I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and tossed it to her. "The anger issues, right? Jacob was so touchy last time I saw him."

"Which is why you can't see him now," I replied, watching her hands shake as she twisted of the cap. "Jacob isn't especially aggressive, but young wolves have no tolerance for upsets. They're quick to anger, and quicker to strike." I swallowed, visions of my own mother, bloody and scarred, always there, in the back of my mind like a constant reminder. "There is a real possibility that he will hurt you."

"Alright," she accepted, taking a short drink. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and gave me a deep look. "But it's not forever. Right? I mean, he'll get a handle on things and then it'll be fine."

"In time," I replied. "But your...connection with Jacob won't be the same as it was. Whatever you expected from him...from the pair of you, won't happen. Not now." It was selfish, but I had no inclinations to allow any possible relationship between them flourish in anyway. "He can't love you like that."

"I don't love _him_ like that," she snapped back, slamming the plastic bottle onto the counter. "He's my friend. My _best_ friend. I love him, and he _does_ love me, nothing can change that, but it will never be like that between us."

I wasn't particularly sure that Jacob saw it as such, but I also wasn't inclined to disagree with her sentiments. They suited me just fine, actually. "I'm glad you agree."

She blanched, head reeling back. "I wasn't...I wasn't agreeing. I was stating a fact."

Shrugging, I bit back on the grin tugging at my lips. She was pissed, too deep in her own mess of rebellion to admit defeat. "Sounded like you were agreeing, to me."

"Well I wasn't," she bit out. "Why are you telling me all of this anyway?"

There were enough answers for that question to fill a pool, but I settled on something simple, something honest, for now. "Because you're special."

She spent the night, sprawled out on my couch while she slept off her buzz. I'd passed on my morning patrols, handing them off to Paul and Jared, in trade for the weekend. Morning burned bright in bursts of orange and pink over the ocean; I'd always been an early riser. I folded myself cross-legged on the coffee table and watched as she woke.

"You know," she said, eyes closed as she raked hand through her tangled hair. "I never realized how creepy the sleep-watching thing really was."

The insinuation that I wasn't the first to watch her sleep grated against my nerves like sandpaper but I kept myself still. "You're sleeping in my living room. It isn't as if I was hiding in your closet, or something."

She laughed, snorted really, throwing an arm over her face. "You're something else, Sam Uley."

**A/N Hope you new readers enjoy the story, and any re-readers, glad to have you back! **


	3. Temperance

**Chapter Three – Temperance**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

"_**The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong." ~Wilson Mizner**_

She laughed, snorted really, throwing an arm over her face. "You're something else, Sam Uley."

"You really have no idea," I sighed. "I called your dad last night, after you fell asleep. He's already at work. He said he'd have some one pick you up but it would have to be in a squad car, when he got the chance."

"Oh God," she groaned, peeking up at me from the crook of elbow. "You're serious."

"I told him it was no problem to bring you home, but he insisted." My reply was followed with another groan. "I told him that if he wanted, he could pick you up after work. I figured it would be less embarrassing to be picked up by your own father than some deputy."

"So what? I have to hang out here all day?" she asked, sneering. "Great."

The attitude was back from last night, and I didn't particularly fucking care for it in the morning light either. "If you want to be a bitch, I can take you home now. If you want to suck it up and deal with me, I had considered bringing Jake by. I don't know how fucking generous I'm feeling though, considering you haven't bothered to show me the courtesy of pulling the stick out of your ass yet."

She blinked, pushing up on her elbows. I could see the dark outline of her nipples through her borrowed shirt, heat burning in my belly as the thin cotton pulled tight across her thin form. The urge to make her eat something was accompanied with the urge to get her naked; both sanctimoniously strange and unwelcome. I smiled through it, feeling my hands twitch beside me, as I waited for her reply.

"You're such a dick," she muttered, but it lacked the bite she was probably aiming for. "I need a shower."

"You know where it is," I pointed to the hall. "I'll wash your clothes; I can see through your shirt. Unless you want to give Jake a show?" I asked, but I was already gathering up her musty red hoodie and torn jeans.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she shot me a sleepy-eyed glare. "Asshole."

She found me on the back porch, loading her clothes into the dryer. "Your machine's outside?"

"No hook-ups in the cabin," I explained. "The washer's actually hooked to a separate pump than the cabin. It's hooked to the house's well, out front there." I pointed to the bigger white house northeast of my cabin. I grinned a little, watching the pale blue curtains in the window shift. "My momma's place. So, unless you want to meet her, I'd get back inside. You're wearing my clothes, she won't pause to ask questions, she'll just assume."

I waved my peeking mother off as Bella rushed back inside, her hands still crossed over her chest. "Momma's boy?" she asked, once again standing awkwardly in my kitchen. "What's the point of moving out, if you can see inside your mother's kitchen from your back porch?"

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't have moved out at all," I replied evenly. "She insisted she needed the space, but I didn't want her living on her own with the twins, so I built this cabin. That would have been...six years ago, I suppose..." I had caught enough shit from the boys for being a momma's boy that her snide comment did little.

"Oh," she said. "Um. You built the whole thing?" She looked mildly impressed, and the wolf _liked_ that. It just made me feel kind of sick, and mostly uncomfortable. "Twins? You have siblings?"

"From the ground up," I admitted. "I have sisters. Two little ones, turned six last winter." She opened her mouth again, and I could almost taste the apology. I didn't want it; it was easier to think when she was being a belligerent little bitch. Better for now, I thought, to keep her separated from myself. Just for a while, while she figured which way was up in her own life. She didn't need me confusing her, yet. "Save the small talk for Jacob," I cut in, grabbing one of the chipped white mugs out of the open cabinets and plunking it on the counter. The coffee was lukewarm in the carafe, but even if wasn't, I didn't doubt she'd find something to complain about. The world, it seemed, was her enemy. I slid the mug across the counter, where she wrapped her fingers around it.

"Black?" she asked, right on cue for a complaint. I slid the bowl of sugar to her and watched her frown as she scooped it into the coffee, catching the faint crescent shaped scar on her wrist. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"What the fuck is this?" I asked instead of answering, snatching her wrist up between my fingers.

"It was an accident," she stammered, tugging in vain against my grip. "A...a nomad vampire found me. The Cullens saved me. Dammit Sam, let go! You're hurting me!"

A shudder, so violent it shook _her,_ ran through me and I dropped her wrist as though it burned me. I growled, watching her flinch as I pushed out the backdoor sprinting for my mother's house. I wouldn't phase, no. Never on accident, never again. The air calmed me, cool against my sweat-damp skin. The cabin must have been stifling, the kind of heat you don't notice till you step outside it. Breathing deeply, I felt the fight melt out of me as my momma stared at me, her face darkened by the screen door. She gave me a smile, set deep in her thin face, lines etched at the corner of her mouth.

"Come on in, baby," she said, leaving me to follow her into her little den. "What's the Swan girl doing at the house?" Momma never was one to mix words.

"I imprinted." Neither was I.

Momma barked out a laugh, pushing the white-flecked hair from her face. "You boys work fast these days."

"What?" I said, dropping onto her couch. The girls were out, but it was Wednesday, that meant dance class. Subconsciously, I was already working out how I could pick them up while dropping Swan off.

"I know better than to doubt you didn't imprint on that girl, but a day's passed and you already got her in your bed," she said, shaking her head and smiling. "Can't say it says much about the girl, but you _are_ a good looking boy."

I flinched, grimacing. "Oh hell, Momma," I groaned, wiping my hand down my face. "She doesn't know, and I haven't had her anywhere near my bed. Found her half-drowned last night, walking drunk down the road to see Billy's kid. She crashed at my place. That's it."

"Oh baby," she said, a little more gently. "You gotta tell her, son."

I nodded, grimly. "I know. She knows I'm a wolf, and about the rest of the pack. I don't know... How do you drop that on a girl you don't know, Momma? She's practically a baby."

"She's what? Four years younger than you?" Momma asked, cocking her head. "Boy, you're all babies when it comes down to it."

"Six years," I murmured. "She's barely eighteen."

"Barely eighteen and seen a helluva lot more than most girls her age," Momma replied, leaning back in her rocker. "She was with one of them leeches? Those boys are pretty. I doubt she managed to keep her legs closed. Lord knows I wouldn't have."

"Yeah well, that never was a skill of yours, wasn't it?"

She gave me a grin, and I rolled my eyes. "Guilty," she said. "But I never regretted it, baby boy. Now, you calm the fuck down, and get back to the girl. Looks like she's pullin' a runner."

Twisting where I sat, I caught sight of what my mother had; Little Red tripping her way up the muddy Rez roads. "She's headed to Jacob's, I'm sure. Girl doesn't listen."

"They never do."

I kissed my momma goodbye, slipping out the backdoor. Half the pack was already in my front yard, awaiting the orders for the day.

"What's the Swan bitch doing at Jake's?" Paul asked, his lips curling back in disgust. I knew well enough that half his hate for her had nothing to do with the Cullens and everything to do with Jake. Paul had always looked at himself as an older brother, something that normally made him act like a dick, but he was fiercely protective. It made him strong for the pack, but it wasn't in me to admire him for it, at the moment.

My reaction surprised the both of us, though I think I did better to hide it.

I punched him in the mouth.

The collective silence of the Pack said enough; I was never violent with them. I didn't need to be.

"You, nor anyone else in this Pack, will speak of Swan in a derogatory manner from this moment on. You will treat her as an equal, as a part of this tribe and Pack," I said, putting the force of the Alpha behind it; something I did even less than corporal punishment. "You will not ask why; I won't be discussing it. If you should deduce the reasoning behind my decision, and I hope you all do, you should be well enough read in your lore by now, you will not share it with anyone. I will speak of it when I am ready and will return the courtesy should your time come. Now," I slapped my hands together. "It's time for you all to get the fuck out of my face. Paul, you're still on patrol. And you get afternoon patrols for being a douche bag. Jared... fix Paul's jaw, and then grab some of the guys in town and head up to the Whitman Job. Embry, get your ass to school." They dispersed, save for Paul who lingered back, scowling.

"Seriously Sam?" he said, shoulders tense. "Do I really have to do double patrols?"

I wouldn't admit it, but the punishment didn't really fit the crime. He hadn't known and to be fair, none of us, as of yesterday, particularly cared for the Swan girl. "I'll give your shift to Jake if you pick up my sisters from Dance at one," I said, working the situation to my benefit. It was punishment enough in its own right; the girls loved Paul, but they were still six, and there were still two of them. More importantly, I trusted him with them; he'd never lost his temper, though they were enough to drive a grown man to tears. "You can take my truck. The girls' seats are in the cab," I offered with a smug grin, dangling my keys in front of him. "Have it back by four."

"Dude," Paul replied reproachfully, taking the keys. "Not cool."

I grinned, basking in my moment of smugness. "Yeah but I'm baby sitting the Bitch Queen today and I don't know if I'll have time to get the girls. So, have fun with that. There's cash in the glove compartment; grab them lunch, if you could."

"Fine, fine," he said, rolling his eye, already making his way to my truck. "I'm going back home and going to bed. How come you get to call her a bitch and I don't?"

"Alpha rights," I replied, cutting through the yard toward Jake's. "I do what I want."

"Right," Paul laughed, and I had to laugh too.

I _never_ did what I wanted.

**TBC**


	4. Etiquette

**Chapter Four – Etiquette**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

_**"Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential."**_ - William Cuppy

**Previously**,

"_Alpha rights," I replied, cutting through the yard toward Jake's. "I do what I want."_

_"Right," Paul laughed, and I had to laugh too._

_I never did what I wanted._

_Jacob opened the front door, shoulders squared and tense. "You told her," he said quietly, as I pulled open the patched-up screen door._

**And now,**

"I did."

"There's only one reason you could have told her," he replied just as quietly, staring holes into the floor. "So it's like that?"

"You've read your lore, then," I replied, surprising pleased in my...my pup. They were all my pups in a way. But this one, well even I would admit he was special. He was made for Alpha in a way I wasn't; bred for it, even if he didn't want it. He'd be my second eventually, but I'd deal with that then. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know you...cared for her."

"You know that's why Dad was keeping us apart, right?" Jacob replied in a murmur, casting a look over his shoulder. I could hear Bella in his living room, huffing impatiently. "He was afraid I'd imprint."

"Any attempt to keep you from Imprinting is a slight against the tribe," I said mildly. Billy knew better, not that it mattered now.

He nodded and sighed, stepping aside to let me in. "I knew something was off when I saw her and I just...couldn't love her like I did. I don't know...I want to love her like that, but something won't let me. She said she saw you. That's how I knew."

"As part of Pack, you know by instinct that she's mine," I replied, feeling a shiver race through me at the admittance. "Had you not phased, your feelings wouldn't have changed...yet. It doesn't mean that you don't care for her," I added. "In fact, given time it's likely you'll become more protective. It's part of the Pack imperative to protect it's imprints, all of them."

"And you don't mind?" Jake asked, leaning against the kitchen archway. "I mean, I still care about her."

"You'll never love her like that," I replied evenly. "Nothing can be done about it. It's in favor of me so I can't spite it. But I appreciate your friendship with her," I said slowly, feeling the words unfurl from my mouth awkwardly. "Because..." I blinked, frowning. "Because given that she trusts you, you're better suited to protect her. I...I'm kind of at a loss with her."

"She doesn't know you imprinted."

"I hadn't told her, no," I replied, shrugging. "Didn't seem right. I don't even know her, Jacob, and...outside of the imprint, I'm not sure I even like her. She's..."

"A frigid bitch?" Jacob offered, raising his hands up in defeat and grinning when a growl, tiny but there, escaped me. "Yeah, I get that. She was worse before though. She's getting over it, I think. I don't know, I think she's mostly over it...over them. She just not sure what comes next. Got all these...guards up. Makes her prickly. She wants to go against everything for the sake of rebelling," Jake laughed, quiet but bright. "She's the total opposite of you. You're so compliant..."

"I do what needs to be done," I replied sharply. "For the tribe; for the pack."

"For every one but yourself," Jake said, nodding as of he were agreeing. "She'll be good for you, I guess. I uh...I feel like I should be angry, but I don't know how. I'm not mad at you at all."

"Well, be angry about getting afternoon patrols then," I said, following him through the kitchen. "And because I don't want you alone with her. You're not ready."

"Sam," he began to protest, but stopped himself. "Alright. But uh...you're not going to keep her from me, right? I _miss_ her." He spoke quietly, to quiet for Red's benefit.

"Like I said, you're friend ship is good for her, so it's good for me," I replied. "Plus...I'm going to need to see her, and I'm going to need you to do that."

"Right," Jacob laughed, speaking to quietly for any one but myself to hear as he lead me around the corner of the narrow hall. "Just...get to know her. She's not always so...hard, I guess. She's just strong."

Red bit back a wince as I stepped into the living room. "You said you would listen to me."

Her expression hardened, shoulders pulling tight as she sat up straighter. "Yeah, well. You freaked out on me and left."

"I told you that I would take you to visit Jacob," I replied. "You couldn't wait ten minutes?"

"I don't get why this is such a problem," Swan replied, shaking her head at me. "He's fine. I'm fine. We were just talking."

"It's a problem because I told you not to come without me," I snapped, watching her flinch. I expected guilt, but it never came. Instead I felt...right. "And you didn't listen."

"You're not my fucking father!" She all but screamed, pushing up off the couch and crowding against me, mouth pulled into a frustrated moue.

"Bella," Jacob warned pushing forward, but I stopped him with a single look. This was between she and I and it was better he learn those lines now, rather than later.

"I don't have to do what you say! I'm not part of your Pack!" She continued, cheeks bright red as she narrowed her eyes.

But she was.

"But he is," I said instead, pointing to Jake. " If you want to see him, you go through me. And as chief of this tribe, my word is Law. You want to come to La Push, Little Red, you're going to fucking listen to me. Any measure I take, whether you like it or not, is for not only your protection, but the protection of my tribe. You not coming here without me, it's as much a protection for Jake as it is for you. How would you have felt if he had hurt you? How do you think _he_ would have felt?" I snarled, and she sank back. "If you can't listen to me, I will ban you from La Push."

"You can't do that," Red replied incredulously, looking to Jacob for conformation.

"He can," he replied, though he knew it would never come to that. He looked a little...flabbergasted, for lack of a better word. He looked it, and I felt it.

This wasn't how imprinting was meant to go, or so I thought. We'd been put under the impression we'd be devoted to our imprints, and their whims. All I wanted to do was tell Swan to _shut the fuck up._

Huh.

"Go to the cabin," I said, pinching my nose. My skin felt tight, and I needed to phase, if just to let loose a little energy. "Swan! Go to the cabin!"

She glared at me, but left. We watched her through the living room bay windows make her way across my hard, slamming my front door behind her. "I can't believe she listen to me."

"I can't believe you yelled at her," Jacob said, brow furrowed as he stared at me. "You never yell Sam,_ever_. All you have to do is look at us all silently disappointed, and that's usually enough to put us in our places. What the hell crawled up your ass?"

I didn't have an answer to that. He was right, I wasn't acting like myself. Or I was acting like myself, more then I ever had, maybe. But she just made me so fucking _mad_. "I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life," I said eventually, sounding not a little disparaged. "I'll be damned if I'm going to let her talk to me that way. I'm fucking Alpha; I'm nobodies bitch."

He cracked a grin, bright white and just like his fathers. "About damn time, Sam."

She glared at me from where she was propped up on one of my barstool's at the counter, legs crossed, hands folded in her lap. "Where do you get off telling me what to do?" She asked, eyes narrowed.

"My Rez, my rules," I replied in kind, dropping in the seat across from her. "You want to come here, you better learn to respect me and my Rez."

She licked her lips, a slow slide from one corner of her mouth to the other before she spoke. "Why now? You never gave me a passing glace before."

Leaning back in the chair, I folded my hands before me on the table. "I think you know why," I replied, watching her gaze flitter to the left, to avoid my own. "You can't claim ignorance any more."

"Because you told me," she all but snarled, lips curled back. "I didn't need to know."

If I smiled, it was cruel. "That's where your wrong," I said, watching her fidget. "The sharing of our legends is _vraja_, forbidden; save for some special few who must know in order to keep our people protected. You come with foreknowledge. You would lead the enemy to our doorstep. Would you have told us of your Vampires, not knowing what we were?"

"No," she said stiffly. "I swore never to tell a soul. I didn't even tell you; you knew."

"Then you would endanger our people," I replied quietly. "I knew this, and yet I let you come."

"It isn't like that," she argued, brow furrowed. "The Cullens are...good."

Nodding, I agreed. "I will attest to that, but there have been others; you've said so yourself," I explained, watching her lashes flutter against her cheek. "So if you won't speak, then you must listen. If you want to come here, you'll obey the rules. It's my job to protect this tribe; I make the rules for a reason."

She dared a look at this, eyes locked with mine. "You mean I'll obey you?" She asked, as if daring me to deny it.

Quirking a small smile, I intoned my head in answer. "Yes, as a matter o'fact. These are my woods Red, and I'm the biggest, baddest wolf of them all." It was cheesy enough to earn a reluctant, begrudging quirk of a smile from her.

"Whatever," she huffed, pushing her frown back into place. "I'm going to the beach."

I let her leave, pulling her jacket snug against her body as the wind tore at her hair. She'd be feeling confused I was sure, torn with the urge to hate and not hate me. I'd give her the benefit of being suddenly in disarray, but not for long. Eventually, she'd need to own up to herself. Rebelling would get her no where. There were just some monsters you couldn't run from.

It was several hours later that she managed to find her way back to my cabin. It was a rare dry day on the Rez, breezy but clear. I caught glimpses of her perched on a sand-smoothed piece of drift wood from my window, and forced myself to let her be. By the time she bothered to grace me with her presence once more, I was knee deep in little sisters.

She stood in the door way, shoulder pressed against the frame watching as I situated my sisters at the island counter with their lunches. Paul had already come and gone, ruffling the girls hair as he breezed on out. "No chocolate milk until you eat at least half your nuggets," I explained as I gathered up there drinks. "Who wants ketchup?"

The chorus of 'me-me-me' was cut short as both the girls eyes fell upon Red. "Saaaaaammy. There's a _lady_ in your _kitchen_." This was pressed upon me in the most imperial of whines, as if having any ladies in my kitchen was inexplicably naughty.

If they only knew.

"I'm aware. Now who wants ketchup?" I replied, plunking the bottle down between them. "That lady's name is Bella Swan. That's Sheriff Charlies daughter."

"Hi," Red finally offered with a little wave.

"Anna's on the right," I explained, gesturing with my finger at the pair. I popped the tab on a luke-warm can of coke, taking a drink before finishing. "And the left is Nora. They're identical so if you don't get it, don't worry. They're use to it. You can just call them 'girls'."

"Are you Sam's wife?" Anna asked around a mouth full of McNugget, forcing me to sputter and choke.

"Anna!" I said, more sharply then she was use to. "That's rude. You know I'm not married. Bella is...uh. Jacobs friend. Why would you even ask that?"

"Well," Nora cut in, ready to explain her sister's logic. "Momma's always going on and on about how you need to find a wife to help you in your kitchen because your cookin' is a hot mess. And we heard you tell Uncle Paul that you found her on the road so we thought that maybe you finally found one."

"We all know momma will never keep her nose out of my business, but you two are just too young. Bella isn't my wife, she's Jacobs friend. Enough of that."

"Then why is she _here_?" Nora, the interrupter, cut in. "She didn't even knock. That's rude, you know," she added, raising a brow at Red in perfect imitation of our momma.

I snorted, and Red frowned. "Well it is," I said with a shrug. "Sit down, I'll make you lunch."

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled, eying the empty stools across from Anna and Nora. She was curled into herself in her jacket, obviously uncomfortable but with what I had no idea.

"You skipped breakfast," I said in way of answer. "You need to eat."

"You're not my fucking father," she snapped suddenly. "You can't tell me what to do."

Twin gasps escaped my sisters and I turned to Red, my own anger rising asI slapped my hand down on the counter hard enough to make the girls jump. "Do _not_ swear in front of my sisters. Unless you want to explain to my mother why her six year olds are dropping f-bombs tonight?"?" Turning back to the girls, I gave them a stern look. "If I find out you're swearing, I'll wash both your mouths out. Understood?"

"Are you going to wash _her_ mouth out?" Nora inquired, peering over a ketchup soaked french-fry.

"No," I said easily. "Because adults are allowed to swear. They should just know better than to do it in front of impressionable children."

"God," Red huffed. "I'm sorry, alright?"

"Good." I set a sandwich down in front of her, cut in four pieces and de-crusted more on habit than anything else. I realized my mistake as soon as the plate touched the table, but couldn't help but be curious at her possible reaction.

She glared at it, and then at me.

"Whats up with the finger food?" She asked, as ungrateful as ever. "I'm not a little kid."

"Well considering the way that your acting, it's no surprise I mistook you for one," was my reply, as I dropped down beside her with my own lunch. "You could say thank you."

"I _could_," she said, shoving an entire quarter into her mouth and smirking around it.

"She's like..._really_ rude," Anna commented under breath, to Nora who nodded vigorously, dark spiraling curls bouncing all over her face. "She's so totally rude."

"Momma would bust her _butt_," Nora agreed, and they both turned to me as if asking my opinion on the matter.

"She'd deserve it too," I replied easily, earning another glare from Red. She was blushing faintly, either in anger or embarrassment at being schooled by a pair of kindergartners. "You know how momma is about table manners. A woman's table manner say a lot about her."

"We're not a bunch of monkeys," the girls recited in unison. "We're ladies."

Chewing, and sub-sequentially spitting what had managed to make it into her mouth back into her napkin, Red took a deep breath and forced out yet another empty apology. "Sorry, but isn't that a little sexist?"

"Whats sexist?"

Lovely.

"It's when a boy thinks he's better than a girl just because he's a boy, or a girl thinks she's better then a boy just because she's a girl. Silly, huh?" I asked, reaching back onto the counter to grab their milk. "And it isn't sexist. My momma raised me the exact same way. I'm a _beast_," I said pointedly, taking a neat bite from my own over-stuffed sandwich, "and I still managed to chew with my mouth closed."

"Well maybe my mother just raised me wrong," Red said, killing the conversation with brutal efficiency. But the girls in all their tiny wonder couldn't have felt the tension rising.

"Well," Anna said, pausing to take a very long drink of milk. "What about your daddy?"

"Charlie didn't raise me," Red replied shortly, burning a hole through her sandwich with her eyes.

"Oh so he's like Josh," Nora said reasonably, dipping a fry into her ketchup.

"Charlie Swan is nothing like our father," I said sharply. Red looked up, eyes curious. "Charlie is a good man."

"Well, if Sheriff Charlie isn't like Josh, why didn't he raise Bella?" Anna asked, brown eyes flickering from Red to me.

"Why are we talking about this?" Red asked suddenly, looking to me. "I don't want to talk about this."

"You certainly don't have to answer them," I agreed, easily. "but if you don't, they'll just go asking my momma. And my momma's always been real fond of Charlie."

It was easy to see that Red knew how the Rez saw Renee. Charlie was an honorary member of the tribe, and he'd give a whole lot to our community. La Push loved him, and it had hurt to see him mourn the loss of his wife and child. Still did, from what I understood; Charlie was damn near burnt out on women all together.

"My mom didn't like the rain," Red said at last, tearing the bread to bits on her plate. "And my dad did. So my mom left."

"It does rain here a lot," Anna conceded, and that was the end of that.

**TBC**


	5. Punctuality

**Chapter Five – Punctuality**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

"**Early birds gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."-**

_Steven Wright_

I'd just finished marching the girls back to my mothers house when Charlie pulled in with the cruiser. "Come back tomorrow if you'd like and I'll take you to see Jake."

"Tha-" she paused mid-word, shoulders falling. "I can't, my truck is still broken. Thanks for the offer, I guess."

"I can pick you up around three-thirty, if you'd like. I have to go head up to the Whitman place in the morning and than I have to pick the girls up from school and drop them off at the baby sitters. I gotta warn you though, Billy will be there."

She bit into her lip, staring past my shoulder in thought. "Do you think I should talk to him? I just...I feel like...I owe it to him. I mean...I don't know. I don't know what I mean."

It was the first adult thing I'd heard come out of her shitty little mouth, and she sounded _so_ confused. "You don't owe any one anything, and I don't know how much good it will do, but I think that you have every right to _defend_ yourself."

"Yeah," she murmured. "Yeah. Um. Thanks, Sam. For picking me up and...and not lying to me. About everything. I...I won't tell any one."

I watched her leave, wondering for all the world what on earth she was thinking.

~000~

Any memory of her somber apology the night prior was washed away in the light of the day. Carla Altera called Billy to tell him Quil must have been coming down with whatever Jacob had, because he was burning up and couldn't get out of bed for all the pain he was in. I left the worst of the news-breaking to Billy, who had a way with handling women. Quil's mom wouldn't be the first to hear the news that her son was a wererwolf, but we could only hope that she'd be the last.

With his fever already at one-hundred and four, I was lucky to get him to Jake's without him phasing in my truck. I packed up the work-site and shut down the Whitman house early, losing an entire days worth of work. I'd need at least two wolves to baby sit Quill, and with Embry in school, Jake on lock-down himself, it only left me Jared and Paul, with me running patrols after taking Red home. With orders for them to call me should any problems arise, I barely made it to pick up my sisters in time.

I should have known by the time I pulled up to the Swan house that I was in no mood to deal with Red's shit. But my skin itched and I knew that I needed to see her. The dependency grated on me, leaving me an even more irritable mess. I was tired, and sore, and sweaty. If doing second-story dry-walling hadn't been enough to wear me out, hauling a two-hundred pound angry, sweating, sick teenager across the rez hadn't helped matters.

"You're late," she said, in way of greeting, yanking open my truck door to scowl ferociously at me without even the benefit of a window between us. "You said three-thirty."

"Yeah, I did," I replied, waiting for her to get in. "Some shit came up. I would have called but I don't have your number." But I wanted it, and wasn't that a bitch?

She shut my door to hard, and ignored my several requests to put her damn seat belt on till I reached across her and strapped her in myself like a recalcitrant three year old. "Woah," she reeled back, putting as much distance, _very little_, between us as she could in the cab. "You stink."

"The smell of hard days work," I bit out, fingers clenching on the wheel as I pulled out of her driveway. Rain was already beginning to splatter against the windshield before I even hit the pathetic strip of highway between Forks and La Push. "Whats your excuse? When's the last time you ran a fucking brush through your hair?" It was, perhaps, a little more mean than intended, but if the girl could dish it out...

Ignoring me, as always, she continued as if I never spoke. "So you were an hour late and you didn't even manage to shower," she countered with a look that was anything but pleasant. "What the hell were you doing all day?"

"A hell of a lot more then you did, I'm sure," I snapped. "Beside my usual morning patrols of La Push and Forks, I drove all the way to Port Angela's to work on the Whitman house, where I hauled twelve fifty-pound sheets of drywall and a fucking bath-tub up a flight of stairs, built and wired the walling for a second story master bathroom. Then I drove all the way back to Forks, carted a two-hundred pound hostile teenager across La-Push and into Billy Blacks very small third bedroom while doing my best to keep him calm and from phasing. Once I got Quill settled, I wrangled twin six year from school to home, a feat which sounds easy but is anything but. Then, on top of _that_, when I wanted nothing but a shower, food and a nap, I drove all the way to La Push to pick up the _most_ ungrateful person I have ever met outside of my father, but fuck me if you're not challenging his record."

It wasn't until she laid her hand on my arm, palm cool against the bend of my elbow, that I realized I was shaking, the barest of vibrations beneath my skin. "I'm sorry, I mean...yeah. Sorry. Do you, um. Do you want to take me home? We can do this another time. Billy is letting Jake talk to me on the phone now, so I mean...I could just call him. Really."

"No," I said, sighing. She looked a little bit scared and I didn't a care for it. "It's fine."

"Jake could come to your house, maybe?" She offered, surprisingly timid. "You could clean up and nap. We can be quiet. You shouldn't have to baby sit me anyway but you'd be there just in case."

"Yeah. Yeah, that would work," I agreed, feeling a sudden sense of calm and belonging that had everything to do with her hand still curled over my bicep. I wondered how much of what she was offering was sincerely meant, and what was urged by the imprint. Then I wondered if there was a difference. "But you can't get him all worked up, alright? So just...safe happy topics. He's doing a hell of a lot better than he was, but don't talk about the Cullens."

She flinched at the name, like I knew she would, but nodded anyway before pulling her arm back to herself. "I didn't plan on it."

~000~

"Jake just left," she informed me as I stepped out of the bathroom, toweling off my hair. "He um...he said it was his turn to sit with Quil?"

Glancing at the clock, I confirmed this with a nod, letting the towel fall over my bare shoulders. "We do it in rotation, but I'll have to take him out tomorrow."

"Out?" She asked, noticeably calmer after Jake's visit. She looked no less tired then before, but the fight seemed to have gone out of her, if however temporarily. I wasn't so naive to think that all it took to calm the beast was a visit from Jacob, no matter how cute the kid was.

"To the woods," I explained, dropping onto the bar stool across from her. "His temp is high enough that we can probably force him to phase. It's a lot easier after the first time phasing."

She stared out the little window over my bathroom counter. "Is it really painful? I...Jake wouldn't say."

"Jacob grew seven inches in two months," I said reasonably. "It's extremely painful, before you phase. Between the fever and the growing-pains, well...just believe me when I say it hurts. Jacob had the worst of all of us, save for maybe me."

"Why was his so bad?" She asked, her face morphing with concern. She looked better for it, softer even; considerably less frigid, anyway.

"He took a long time to phase, longer than any of us. We couldn't force it with him, he just isn't the type to get _angry_. He was mostly worried," I elaborated. "Mostly about you, and his..._feelings_...for you, they kept him too happy, too _determined. _It slowed the process."

"That's how you get them to phase? You make them mad?" She asked, and her interest warmed me. I wanted her interested. I wanted her to be part of the pack, not an outsider like so much of the rest of the world. She was the _first_ imprint, if there would be any more, and she was _my_ mate. She might have been a lot of things, but first and foremost to the Pack, she was an Alphas mate. To a wolf, that meant something, even if she never knew.

"We run off our emotions," I confirmed. "We need to be angry to phase, or at least focused on what makes us angry. Generally just thinking about vampires can do it, especially accompanied with the scent. Over time you learn to control it, learn to focus and channel the anger. Quil...is a fairly affable guy. It won't be easy, but his fever is high enough that we should be able to push him into it physically, if necessary."

"You're going to attack him?"

Bluntly, I said, "yes. A physical attack will provoke a need to defend. Once we get him to phase, he'll calm down, and we can teach him how to phase back. From there it can't really get any worse." It never really got any better either, but hey, you had to find that silver lining.

There was a pause, where nothing was said. She stared at the water-stain ring on my counter top, tracing her finger tip around it. "What...why was your change the worst?"

**TBC**


	6. Sympathy

**Chapter Six – Sympathy**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

**A/N Spanked this one out myself so all mistakes are mine.**

**A/N Are any of you interested in a Paul fic? I have one in mind, for when Hit and Run is done. I had intended to do a Peter-Fic, but it isn't coming. This Paul fic though, I like it. Also, if I collab'd a QuillxBella fic, would you all read it?**

**A/N This chapter deviates from actual New Moon facts, by replacing Emily with Sams mother (as in previous chapters). I've also given Sam some history. Just throwing that out there.**

"_**I'll tell you where to find sympathy. It's in the dictionary between shit and syphillis."**_-Unknown

There was a pause, where nothing was said. She stared at the water-stain ring on my counter top, tracing her finger tip around it. "What...why was your change the worst?"

"Uh..." I hadn't expected her to ask, and it wasn't something I enjoyed talking about. And yet when she asked, none of the expected feelings of shame and anger came with it. Instead, I _wanted_ her to know."I was the first to phase. I was your age, older then the rest which is actually normal. It had been some time since the change had happened in our tribe, and the legends of it were no longer familiar. Our grandparents knew the legends because their fathers lived them, and _our_ fathers told them as _bed time _stories. So when it happened to me...well, I didn't know what was happening to me. Neither did my mother; the tales of the Wolves were saved for sons."

"Didn't your dad..."

"Josh was never around," I cut in quickly. That was a story for a different day. "Not consistently, and when he was, he sure wasn't telling me bed-time stories. Usually he needed money or ass and he knew my momma was sucker enough to give up both. God bless the woman, but she is a _fool_ for that man. So when it happened to me, I didn't know what was going on. I was trying to take care of my mom and myself, barely out of school, while...dealing with this _thing _inside of me_. _I was sick and sore all the time, and_so_ angry. My mom...it scared her. But she didn't know the stories either. Almost no women know about the wolves, just mothers and lovers, and it had been so long since..." I wondered if she'd realize the levity behind that comment, before pressing was neither mother nor lover but one day, she could be both.

"She didn't know what to do with me. And the anger...it grew and grew and grew and then one day I came home and my father..._fuck_." My mouth felt dry, stomach in my throat, and I let my head fall into my hands. The wolf said _speak_, but I didn't want to talk about it, about the way it effected me. This was weakness, and I hated it.

"You don't have to tell me Sam." The warmth in her voice was unfamiliar, bordering on pity and totally unwelcome, especially when I didn't know her like this. I wanted the animosity back, if only for a moment. If only...if only so it didn't feel like I was suddenly talking to a stranger.

"I think I do," I replied, staring at the counter top. I did; this would be part of us my past, just like hers would. I'd hear her story too, just as she'd hear mine. "I think you need to know. I came home, already angry and confused. I was probably already so close to phasing that anything could have set me off. But...uh. I found my mother and father kissing in the kitchen. It was an innocent kiss. Like...like he hadn't been gone for years, like he was always there for her. Like he had a right to kiss her, and it made me so _mad_to see it. I phased for the first time in my mothers kitchen. I tried to attack him; I was out of my head. I ended up hurting my mother instead. Badly. Permanently. And when...when I smelled her blood, I ran."

Her eyes were wide when I looked at her. "Oh my god. Was she okay? Were you okay?"

"No. She's blind in one eye, and lost some mobility in her shoulder. She use to be so pretty..." I took a deep breath. "So I ran. And of course, so did my father, because that's what he _does_. But not before alerting the council to what he'd seen. He remembered the tales enough that he understood what had happened. I was stuck in wolf form; I had no idea how to get back to human. Billy, who's grandfather had been Alpha of his own pack, found me about six weeks later, roaming the forest line of his property. He called me by name and I...it took me a bit to realize he was talking to me. Like I'd almost forgot the name was mine. Eventually he managed to talk me through phasing back. The Elders had been reading everything they could to help me.

I was pretty much feral at that point. Completely ass-naked in his back yard. His daughters were still around, so he got me in the garage, and gave me a pair of his own jeans. He explained what was going on, what I was, and the stories, and it was just...so much to take in. And then I remembered what I did," I laughed, bitter, hard. "When he finally managed to tell me what happened to my mom, I threw up all over his garage floor. And considering I had been eating nothing but raw animal for the last few weeks, it wasn't pretty. He kept me for a while, kept me away from every one. I stayed up at Old Quill's place, which is the farthest from the heart of the Rez. I didn't see my mother, or any one for four months. It was harder for them to teach me, and probably more dangerous.

Since I phased first, I'm Alpha of our pack. It gives me a certain ruling over the others. They're compelled to obey me. The Elders didn't have that over me, and I was...difficult to say the least, because the nature of my anger, maybe. We're so ruled by our emotions, it can cripple us. But over time I learned to control myself and then...then I got to go home. My mother was waiting for me on our front porch, and I almost didn't make it to the door without phasing because when I saw her...when I saw her it had been almost six months since my father had fled, and she was obviously very pregnant."

"The twins," Red breathed, eying me over the counter with sympathetic eyes. For all that she looked strange to me, looking so compassionate, it was certainly a good look on her.

"I was so angry at myself. But I kept it together, because I _knew;_ because I remembered what would happen if I lost control. My mom was a mess; the scars were still fresh then. But she wasn't afraid, just gathered me up into a hug and told me to say hello to my sisters. I got a job after that, working with one of Billy's contractor friends, and eventually...built this cabin. I know my mom didn't kick me out because she was afraid of me, but sometimes I feel like..."

"I've never met the woman and I already know she loves you," Red cut in, with her own sad smile. "She sounds like she's always there for you, and you're always there for her. And you're really great with your sisters, Sam."

"It's always been us. Until the twins were born, and then there was just...more of _us_."

"Has Joshua been back since...since your change?" She asked, tentatively.

"No," I replied. "And I don't blame him, considering I tried to kill him. He's not especially well loved by the tribe, but I doubt they'd be thrilled if I gutted him in broad daylight."

Red paused again, tapping a finger against the counter top. "You don't have to answer me, of course, but Embry and the twins..."

"Look a lot alike?" I said with a sad smile. "Yeah, and he's noticed it too. He's very good to them. We...well, no one was really sure who Embry's father was, because his momma never talked about it. He's just another good kid Joshua fucked over. It's worse for him, I think. His mother wasn't part of the tribe and...the Elders ruled against telling her." That particular memory was still bitter-fresh. It had been my first proposal as Chief, equal rights for all mothers of Pack members, not just members of the Tribe.

"Renee wasn't a very good mom," Red suddenly said, staring off at the fridge as if refusing to meet my eye. She didn't have to explain the off-handed comment for me to know it for what it was. She was sharing something about herself, something personal, as I had. It might not have been the part of her past I was most interested in, but I still wanted to know. "She wasn't..._bad_. She didn't hit me and she fed me and whatever, but uh...she wasn't always there for me I suppose, in the ways that I needed her. I grew up...on my own and well, I never had much help. I don't like help and I don't know how to ask for it, but mostly I don't appreciate it, even if I should."

The way it was worded, it almost sounded like an apology.

~000~

The next day found Red sitting on my front porch, her monstrous beast of a truck parked by the road. "I don't think Jake's up to a visit today, Red," I said, limping up the stairs to my door. "Got our asses kicked. Quill's a hell of a lot bigger in wolf form than he is in human form. He always was a stocky little shit. Took four of us just to pin him"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry I shouldn't have presumed," she said awkwardly. "I'll get going. Um...here's my phone number...call me, if your ever free. To see Jake, I mean. I'm looking for a job, but at the moment, I never have anything to do. Charlie finally got my truck fixed so I thought I'd...uh. Just call me, if you get the chance."

"You didn't head over to Jakes first?" I asked, curiously. Considering all the shit she had given me in the course of two days, I expected it.

"Not...not after what you told me," she replied, eye lashes fluttering against her cheek. "If he hurt me...I think it would hurt him worse, I guess. And I couldn't do that to Jake," she said carefully. I looked her over, watching her shift from foot to foot on my first step, restless. No matter what she told herself, she was here for me. Wouldn't do to send her off, as much as I wanted to just crash on the couch and sleep till dinner.

"You ain't got shit to do, huh?" I asked with a laugh, holding open my screen door for her Wind tugged at the hood of her familiar red jacket as she walked under my arm and into the kitchen.

"None of my old ….friends from Forks talk to me much any more," she said suddenly defensive. "Not that I've made much of an effort, but whatever. Look, if I'm putting you out, or whatever, I'll leave."

"Hey, I'm just curious," I said, holding my hands up in defeat. "From what I reckon, you don't care much for me. I'm just a means to see Jacob."

"Well I hope your not waiting for me to correct _that_ statement," she said bitterly, peeling off her jacket. She hung it carefully on the empty rung of the coat rack that I never remembered I installed. "I figure if I want to see Jake, I might as well get use to your face too."

"Such a mean little shit," I snorted, and she scowled back. "Look, how about we call a truce?" I asked, proffering my hand.

Red took it, curving her smooth palm into my calloused one. "How about we call a truce when it comes to Jake," she said, already shaking. "Everything else, all bets are off."

"So this?" I asked shortly, waving at her, and then the room. "Whats this then?"

"Convenient," she called out, slipping into my living room, and dropping down onto my battered old couch.

Ah, the frigid bitch was back. And they say familiarity breeds contempt.

tbc


	7. Maturity

**Chapter Seven – Maturity**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

**A/N Spanked this one out myself so all mistakes are mine.**

**A/N Remember that this is only like two days into the story. Some people forget to follow the time line and expect faster results. This will be a slower paced story, for the first half, but should pick up once Bella reaches her point of...epiphany.**

"_**Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up."**_**  
-**Tom Stoppard

An hour later I found myself half dressed, wet and staring at Paul's face. "Dude," he said, sticking his head in my bathroom. "Did you know Bella Swan is sleeping on your couch?"

"No I didn't," I replied, kicking him in the shin. Was the invasion of my mind not enough of a breech of privacy? A man couldn't even take a shit around here with every one knowing."Get the fuck out and let me get dressed, you dick."

"Dude. _Swan_ is on your couch!"

"Well I knew that. I just didn't know she was sleeping," I replied as Jareds voice cut in from down the hall. Where one went, the other always fucking followed. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

"God Paul, are you a fucking _idiot_?" He hissed, pulling Paul into the kitchen by his forearm. Jared was the only one in the pack who could get away with that shit when it came to Paul. "He practically fucking spelled it out for us. Christ. Just shut up and get use to seeing her around."

"But why?" Paul was whining, as I made it to the kitchen, buttoning up my shorts. "No one even likes her, except for Jake."

"You really _are_ that stupid," Jared replied in wonder, shaking his head. "Can I tell him? Cause this is just ridiculous. We all _know;_ it's not like we could discuss it if we wanted, but dude we don't want to. Your love life is your own damn business."

"You're _sleeping_ with the leech lover?"

To Paul's luck, Jared smacked him before I could. I took a moment to wonder why leech lover didn't register as a derogatory term, but set it aside. "No I am not sleeping with my _imprint_." Yet. Not that I hadn't thought of it. There was definitely a mating imperative to imprinting because while I _liked_ sex, there use to be a whole lot more going in my mind. It was something to think about, at any rate.

"Holy shit, you imprinted on Swan?" Paul said, to loudly for my liking. I peeked around the corner to find Red still fast asleep. "Jake is going to be so-"

"Jake already knows," I cut in quietly, tossing them both a beer from the fridge. If it were any one outside the pack, I'd have something to say about underage drinking, but as I figured they were old enough to protect, they could have beer, on occasion. One beer wasn't going to get them drunk anyway. "Ask your questions," I sighed, as there curious expressions morphed to outright demanding.

"When the hell did this happen?" Jared asked, blunt as ever. "I mean when did you even see Swan to imprint?"

"Picked her up drunk on the side of the road two days ago. She was coming to see Jacob. Told her everything...well. Mostly. She doesn't know about the imprinting, but she knows what we are. It wasn't so far a stretch in her realm of reality, I suppose. She did scream though," I added, with a tiny bit of pleasure. I'd have been worried if she hadn't.

Paul snarled, lips curling in disgust. "And how does she feel about her precious vampires now?"

I gave him a cold look. "All things considered, I'd say she hates them. Whatever issue you have with her, Paul, you need to get over now because she's going to be spending a lot more time here. She won't be able to help it; she'll be drawn to La Push. I want all of the pack to extend the same courtesy you would to _me_. You make sure she feels fucking welcome or I will shove my foot so far up your ass you choke on my shoe laces."

"_Damn_ Paul, did you hear that?" Jared said with a grin. "I think I just heard Sam's balls drop."

~000~

Red slept like the dead.

None of the pack were particularly quiet, and though we lingered in the kitchen I wouldn't expect any one to sleep though the racket of the pack eating. Embry had found his way over to the cabin, bearing the gift of food via my mother who never failed to feed the boys if she saw them.

All talk of my imprinting desisted after the brief questioning, turning to idle chat over beer and food. I waved the boys off when the phone rang, answering it with a short, "Sam Uley speaking."

_"Hey Sam," _Charlie said over the line. _"You seen my kid? She said she was headed to the Rez, but Billy said he hadn't seen her. Reckon one of your boys might'a."_

"She came by earlier, looking for Jake. Kid wasn't feeling up to visitors today, but I told her she could hang around. She's crashed on my couch. You want me to wake her?" I offered, peering into the living room. Red was completely slumped over now, face unattractively mashed against the soft, worn leather cushion.

_"Any chance you could let her sleep?" _Charlie asked, awkwardly. I could hear the sound of nails on skin as he no doubt scratched the back of his neck the same way Red did when she was uncomfortable. _"I hate to ask, but she ain't been sleeping much lately. Not at all, from what I've seen. I'd be surprised if she managed three hours in as many days, not to mention she never eats. It's a wonder she can stand up right."_

"She must be pretty tired," I agreed, biting my lip. I wondered if our distance effected her sleep. A niggling of worry gnawed at my stomach, but I supressed it. She spent most of her waking hours here since the imprint, the distance couldn't be effecting her yet. I'd worry about Red, but on my own terms. It would be to easy to become overbearing, if I let the wolf reign.

I never let the wolf reign.

"Got half the guys here, and they ain't quiet. She can crash here no problem. If she's still here in the morning, I'll have her give you a call, yeah?"

_"Have her ring me at the station. I'm over time all frickin' week,"_ he agreed. _"Thanks Sam."_

I dropped the phone into the receiver, and turned to find Embry with a blanket in hand. "She's probably freezing, the way you have the AC up."

"Let her freeze," I muttered, snatching up the afghan. It was one of my mothers earlier creations, a mess of yellow, grey and red thread, knitted together with awkward lumpy stitches. She'd learned to knit during physical therapy, and it had done wonders. The afghan was her first big thing, and I awkwardly cherished it, for the symbol that it was. That things would always get better, she had said.

It seemed symbolic almost, as I laid it over Red. Pausing for a moment I sighed, gently tugging off her shoes. She was sockless, and I blamed my mother for the weird urge to scold her for it. Tucking her in I gave into the urge to brush the hair out of her face, fingers trailing over a scatter of freckles. Even in her sleep, she frowned.

_~000~_

Red woke just after my post-patrol shower, rubbing at her eyes as she stumbled into the kitchen. "Time'sit?" She mumbled at me, pushing a mess of hair from her face. "Shit is it tomorrow?"

"I'm pretty sure it's today, actually," I replied, sliding a plate across the island. "Eat."

"M'not hungry," she said so fast, I wondered if it was an automatic reply. "Fuck I need to get home. Charlie's probably freaking out. I'm going to be in so much trouble, he's already on my case about..." she grumbled, turning a cold look my way. "Why the hell did you let me sleep so long?"

"One, I am neither your alarm clock nor your mother, and not in any way responsible for waking you up. Two, I talked to Charlie last night. He asked me to let you sleep, so I did. Apparently, you sleep about as much as you eat. Now, sit down, shut up and eat. Emaciated bitch is really unattractive no matter what the media tells you." I wasn't a morning person, and apparently neither was she. Huh. We _did_ have something in common.

Right on cue, she hit me with a bitch-face, sliding the plate back over to me. "As you said, you are not my mother, and _I'm not hungry_." And with better timing then her bitch-face her stomach growled, rendering her argument loudly invalid.

"Look," I said abruptly, slapping my hand on the table. "Cut the crap okay? Your dad said you weren't eating. You look like a light breeze could knock you the fuck over. So pick up that fucking fork, eat your eggs or I am going to feed you like a baby, since it's how you want to act." I was blaming my attitude on the lack of sex and coffee.

"You wouldn't," she dared, glaring at me, hands balled into fist. "God, Sam! What does it matter to you if I eat? You don't know me! You don't care!" She slammed her hand down hard, rattling the wood.

And it pained me because I _did_ care, and I could see she wasn't okay. Her skin was stretched tight over her bones, sallow and dry. She looked _sick_, heart-sick maybe, but sick, and I cared. Cared so much that watching her hurt, it hurt me. "You think fighting every thing is gonna fix your problems? Or are you just wallowing? You want to know why, Little Red?" I asked, hands planted firmly on the counter as I leaned over towards her. "Because your bitchy little bullshit? It don't work for me. Your despair and drama? It does nothing for me. I simply don't care. Your rebellion has no effect on me like it does with Charlie, or Jake. I've seen better tantrums thrown by six year old's and I am just not impressed! You want to know why I am doing this? Because you are obviously not capable of taking care of yourself, no matter how badly you seem to want to prove that you are. And at the end of the day it seems like I'm the only one telling you to shut your fucking mouth and eat your goddamn breakfast. _Please_."

"I won't," she replied sharply, petulantly. "You can't make me. You're _nothing_ to me. I don't have to listen to you. I don't need you! I don't need anybody!"

Pushing my heart out of my throat and back where it belonged, I ignored her more painful words. "Prove it! Grow the fuck up! You're acting like a fucking baby! I know it hurt! But heartbreak is part of life! It happens, it hurts, you grow up, you get over it!"

"I can't!" She screamed, picking up the coffee mug, full of coffee, and hurling it at me. It smashed against my chest, falling to the floor and breaking into pieces. "He wasn't just some guy! I _loved_ him!"

"You're eighteen! You'll love again! But this? This thing you can't let go off? It's getting old. You think you can just keep bitterly burning all your bridges, but one day your gonna find yourself on an island, alone. Cullen is gone, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone like this, Red. Doesn't mean you have to be such a fucking cunt and push every one way. Because that is what you are doing. Charlie didn't even want you to come home, Bella. He would rather you stay here out of his hair, not his problem." It was cruel, but effective. It probably wasn't even a lie. _I_ was already tired of her, for the day. "There are people who care about you; Jacob, Billy, you're dad. It's killing them to see you like this. It's time to get better, Little Red."

She looked away, tears burning in her eyes. "He was everything. I'll...I'll never love any one like I loved him."

"He was just a boy," I said reasonably, to the girl before me, the near perfect stranger. "There will be more." One, if I had anything to say for it. Which I didn't, not really. It would always be her choice. She could walk away, break out bond on her side and leave me stranded, and it terrified me.

"No there won't," she said more firmly, anger working back into her voice. "Where do you get off talking about it, huh? You don't know! It's nothing to you! You have nothing to do with it!"

"Then what are you doing here?"

"N..nothing," she stuttered, pushing away from the counter, shaking her head. "I...I don't need to be here. I...I hate you. I fucking _hate_ you. Why are you doing this to me? How can you be so mean?"

"I think you like it," I growled, circling around the counter. I was angry, mostly at her for being such a brat, and at me for making her nearly cry. "I think you like it when I call your shit. Every one...they walk on egg shells around you and you hate it, don't you? All this fight; what are you trying to prove? That your tough? That your strong? You _are_strong, I can see that. But they keep treating you like your gonna break. Well, I'm not gonna," I said at length, words running out of my mouth before I could even think on them. "You wanna play tough, Little Red, then we'll play tough. But don't complain when you get hurt."

"I don't wanna _play_ with you" she snarled, looking away, back against the wall. "I hate you!"

Pushing away the sting, I watched her go, escaping out the back door to her truck. The urge to follow, to make her stay reared up on me like a fire, but I reminded myself that she would be back.

She _belonged_ here, if she wanted too.

**TBC**


	8. Pride

**Chapter Eight – Pride**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

**_"As far as I know, I have no pride of opinion." _**  
**_Albert J. Nock_**

~000~

She did come back the very next day, but made it painfully clear it wasn't to see me, not that I really expected as much. When she wasn't with Jake, she was stumbling around with the kids of Forks, half-drunk but full on empty laughter.

"She's just proving a point," Jake mollified, accompanying the words with an awkward arm pat. He meant well, but he was no Embry. I didn't want the sympathy anyway.

"What point?" I didn't understand her motives _at all,_ only that she was doing what she thought she _had_ to do. It didn't mean I had to like it though. And I certainly didn't.

"Oh hell," he breathed, scratching the back of his neck. "I doubt even she knows that."

I knew Red was on the Rez. I always knew as soon as she crossed into our lands, because with proximity came peace, tension melting out of me instantaneously. I hadn't know exactly where though. As she often came here with her friends of Forks in a show of what I assumed was independence, I tried not to keep such sharp tabs on her. It wasn't easy, of course; her presence was always there in the back of my mind. I thought that perhaps, it was the same way for her.

So it came as a surprise when I stepped out from around Jacobs shed with the intention of dropping off the small stack of books Billy had loaned me, to find Bella knocking gently on his door.

I ducked back, watching from around the corner in curiosity. Here she was blatantly violating my one rule; do not go see Jacob without me. I didn't understand it, she'd been fairly good about waiting for me when she wanted to see him. It had surprised me that she hadn't even thought to ask for Embry, Jared or even Paul to sit with them instead, but she never had. In all honesty Jake was fine, as safe as any of the Pack, but he suffered through the babysitting for my benefit.

I may have been seriously sick of her behavior, but I was still desperately dependent on my need to see her.

"You're not suppose to be here, Bella," Billy said gruffly, holding open the screen door with his foot. "Jake isn't even around."

"That's probably for the better," she replied quietly, staring down at the ground. She looked positively meek, and I hated it almost as much as I hated any of her bitter masks. Where was the in between? The middle ground? "I'm actually here to see you Billy. We need to talk."

He didn't invite her in, though I doubt any one was really surprised. "I ain't got nothing to say to you."

"But I have something to say to you," Red said firmly, lifting her chin before she lost her nerve. "I love Jake. He's my best friend...and has been there for me through so much. Why can't you understand it the way he does? I did...do love the Cullens. All of them," she said in a breath, fists shaking at her sides. "They're monsters, but no more than your son. Don't look at me like that Billy Black. Your ancestors saw something in them, that they trusted, to a degree. The Cullens harm _no one_, just as the Pack harms no one, both by choice! They _could_, just as easily as Jake could, or Embry or Sam or any of them; the ability is there in both of them. But they don't, because they don't want to. They _fight_ nature. You don't have to like them, but you have to respect that kind of sheer control. It's the same thing, it's the same kind of fight every one of the pack goes through as they learn to control themselves. I've seen it, in all of them. It's the same."

Billy was silent for a moment, possibly stunned, though I couldn't see his face. I was surprised myself though, at the comparison. I had thought it of course, the parallels that neither of us, Pack or Cullen had truly asked for the curses bestowed on us.

"It _isn't_ the same," Billy replied at last, his voice rough with anger. "They're blood sucking monsters! They kill!"

"They don't, Billy. And the ones who have...they fight even harder. Don't you understand? For the Cullens, it's hunger, a _physical_ need. For our...your Pack, it's anger, an anger so deep it's genetically part of them. Neither of them can help it. You judge me because I loved...love him, _them_, but what about Jake? What about when he finds some one, some one _good_ for him" she added, much to my approval. She wasn't good for him, because she was mine. End of the fucking story. "Don't you want her to be able to look past that part of him that isn't human? The monster part of him? Because he is _so_ much more than that, just like the Cullen's."

"My boy is a monster _because_ of them!" Billy bellowed at her, wheeling back. He was taking their discussion inside because he was angry. Billy wasn't one to air his grievances publicly; very few of the Tribe were. She followed him shaking her head, and I behind her, silently, till I stood on the porch, slightly out of sight. "These boys? They're werewolves because of the Cullens."

"They're werewolves because of _vampires_," she snapped back. "And because of the blood, of the gift or curse or whatever you want to call it, that you're ancestors passed down. But they are not werewolves because of me so stop taking it out one me! _I don't deserve it_!"

"She's right, Billy," I cut in, to their mutual surprise. I opened the screen door, eyes on my Elder. "She's done nothing wrong."

"She knew, and still she-"

"Loved him for him," I cut in again. "And one day, some girl is going to love Jacob for Jacob and you won't hate her for it. Red is right, Billy."

"You're not going to yell at me?" She asked in surprise, watching me warily. I felt it unfair. I was firm with her, perhaps on the side of harsh, but never needlessly hurtful. I said what had to be said, that and no more.

"No. I said you had every right to defend yourself and you're not wrong," I replied with a shrug, planting myself firmly beside her and silently daring Billy to protest. It was unlike me to speak out against him, but not only did I agree, Red _was_ my imprint. I'd stand by her for almost anything.

Not that Billy knew that.

Though, judging by his suddenly narrowed gaze, I wondered if he was beginning to understand. He was nothing if not a curious and unfortunately intelligent bastard.

"I don't like them," Billy said at length, watching me and not Red as he spoke. "But they've always adhered to the treaty. You're right in that regard; our ancestors did trust them enough to make the deal. I..." He took a deep and tired breath. "It's hard to watch them go through this, all of them, the boys. And...and maybe it's harder to watch them go through it because it's so pointless. The Cullens aren't a threat..."

"And yet they still were forced to phase," Red finished, with her own sigh. "For that I am so sorry, Billy. But you just have to make the best of a bad situation now."

If only she'd look in a mirror and say that, I thought idly, watching as she subconsciously adjusted her body to face mine. It was a gesture Billy did not miss, as he gathered up the journals he'd lent me off the table, and shoved them at Red.

"You should read those," he said, glancing at me. "They're journals from our ancestors, about the Tribe, and about the pack. Tales, legends, things like that. I think you'd like it. I can't just turn off what I feel, but I've known you for years. But Bella...you're either a wolf-girl, or a leech-girl. You can't be both."

"I'm _here_, aren't I? I thought you weren't suppose to share your legends with outsiders," she commented, pain in her eyes as she adjusted the stack of books in her arms. The faded red leather one looked bright against the rest, and I wanted to rip it out of her hands. It was a journal written by Quil's great grand-father, the only wolf out of the previous pack to imprint. It was, essentially, _the_ book on imprinting.

Billy gave me another one of his calculating looks, before returning his gaze to Red. "We're not."

She left after that, a funny little look on her face, mostly confusion with a dangerous little hint of curiosity. Billy waited till she was in her truck, pulling out of the drive way before even addressing me. "You imprinted."

"I did." There was no denying it. I didn't want to anyway. It was only natural that I wanted the world to know that she was mine, that a claim had been staked. Billy was safe, but the wolf in me wanted him to know I didn't appreciate his animosity towards my mate.

"I could see it on your face," Billy replied, in what I suspect was a nearly amused tone. I didn't appreciate it by any means, but amusement was better then the hostility I had expected. "The way you moved around her, just like she was your center, like you were the moon to her earth. I've read the book, Sam, I know the signs. You were all over her without ever really touching her and you stood up to me."

"You were wrong," I snapped back, fingers curling into fists. I wasn't angry, not by any means, but I was irritated that I'd become so transparent in my devotion to her.

A shrewd look followed, as Billy replied. "Has that ever stopped you before?"

Ignoring the question, I pressed on, leaning against the archway between the kitchen and living room. "You gave her the books."

"I did," he echoed my previous words with no small amount of smugness. "She'll read them all, too. Bella has always been curious, always thirsty to know more. She'll know more about the tribe then most our people do."

"You gave her the Altera journal," I said, with practiced calm. "Even though you knew I imprinted. Why?"

"You haven't told her," he confirmed to himself. "Why?"

I blinked at him, my expression more openly disdainful then my words had ever been. "Have you _met_ her? She's a bitter freaking harpy who needs to grow up and quit acting like the world as ended because that leech broke her heart. I do not want to be imprinted to _that_,"I spat, head reeling at the admission. I was embarrassed; I wasn't the type of man to talk about a women like that. Red just pushed all my damn buttons. "But I do love her, and I see...all this potential. I can see she's fighting to be herself, but she's going about it the wrong way. I just want...I want her to find herself and _then_ I want her to find me. Hearts get broken, it's part of growing up."

His responding chuckle startled me out of my agitation. "As I recall, Leah Clearwater did a number on you when you were Bella's age."

Smiling benignly, I huffed. "To be fair, Leah had every reason to leave me. She thought I was on steroids, that I was dangerous. I _was_ dangerous."

"I think you should tell Bella about the imprinting," Billy said, in way of answer. "She was abandoned by an entire family. The way she spoke...I'd say she was maybe more in love with the whole family, than just him. And that makes sense. She never had a family. She had her mom, but...you've heard the stories about Renee. She didn't have any one. She just wants to be wanted, I'd say."

"Yeah, I'd prefer if you didn't channel your inner in the kitchen, Dad," Jacob said, from outside the screen door. He'd sneaked right up on me, the little shit. Only he could do that, proof positive that he was going to grow into the perfect alpha. Maybe not now, or soon, but one day. He pushed open the door, and sniffed. "Bella was here?"

"She came to have a word with me," Billy replied with a chagrined smile. "Seems I've been taking out my anger on her, wrongly. She's a smart girl, strong too. You're lucky she's your friend. Lucky she doesn't care about..."

"Me being a werewolf?" Jacob asked, grabbing an apple off the counter. "Why would she? She knows I'm still Jacob. I guess maybe there aren't a lot a girls who would see it that way, but Bells is special."

I growled at him, embarrassingly enough, and then had to laugh because it was just so ridiculous. "Sorry. Red hasn't been coming around lately, it's putting me on edge."

Jacob nodded, wiping a line of apple juice off his chin. "I've noticed she hasn't been coming around as much and when she does it's with the Forks kids_. _Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

If only it were that simple. "Everything is a fight with her."

"You should bring her to the spring solstice festival, Jake," Billy cut in. "She needs to be a part of our customs anyway, as a member of this tribe. If I remember, she does enjoy the story telling."

Frowning, I cut Jacob off before he could even speak. "Don't you think a solstice celebration is a bit much for an introduction? I don't know Billy-"

"I think it's perfect," Billy replied smartly, cutting me off as easily as any of the Elders did. "Or you could wait till the Winter celebration when we do the _fertility_ ritual. Nothing says I love you like spilling the carefully collected and fermented piss of a pregnant wolf on consecrated grounds."

Jacob snorted, chucking his apple core into the trash. "It's cool Sam. She can just hang for the day celebration, and you can take her home before they get to the ritual part."

"You're both no fun," his father said with a snort.

tbc


	9. Tradition

**Chapter Nine – Tradition**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

_"Tradition is an explanation for acting without thinking__**"**_

**Grace McGarvie**

Red came to the Rez for the festival, looking as ornery as ever, tugged along at the hand of Jacob. Though, to the trained eye, it was easy to see that she had made some effort in her appearance. Her hair was brushed, pulled back into a neat pony tail, and her skin looked freshly scrubbed. Hell, that was more effort than I'd seen since I'd imprinted.

I'd been at Billy's when she arrived. Billy, as chief of the tribe, had always headed the festivals himself, but as he had formally stepped down on my twenty-fourth birthday, it was now in my hands, and details were paramount. It would be my first festival, a right of passage in the eyes of many of the tribe, and for all that I was usually so confident, I found myself nervous. And to perhaps part of my nervousness came from the knowledge that she would be there too.

I knew that Billy didn't regret his decision to step down; the festivals were taking more of a toll on him every year. Nor did I think he regretted Jacobs decision to _not_ step up. He was too young anyway, and we all knew that even if Jacob took my place as Alpha, he'd never willingly take my place as chief. It wasn't the life for him.

"Come on Bells, let's see if you fit one of the twins festival skirts," Jacob said, as he pulled her up her porch, and through the screen-door, letting it slap shut behind them. Red slammed to a halt when she saw me in the kitchen, a pile of thin yellow legal-pads stacked in-front of me. I kept my eyes on my notes, giving the semblance of reading when I was doing anything but.

Tearing her eyes away from me, where I wasn't looking at her with anything but my peripherals, she glowered at Jacob. "I'm not wearing a skirt."

Jacob just gave her the Black Family Grin, and replied, "you have to, it's part of the tradition. All the girls wear festival skirts. Rachel and Rebecca made theirs, I think. Most girls do, with thier moms. Sue helped my sisters."

I could see her gearing up for an argument, and suddenly felt the intense urge to test a theory I'd considered a while back. "If she doesn't feel comfortable wearing the skirt, she doesn't have to. I'm sure as Chief, I can pull some string-"

"I can wear the skirt. I'm not uncomfortable," Red cut in quickly, turning her practiced death glare on me. An irritated huff escaped her, as I continued to scribble across my notepad, not bothering to acknowledge her. "I'm just...not wearing the right shoes."

"Oh that won't matter, since you'll be barefoot," I replied, looking up with my own grin. I had been right; she would do the opposite of what I said, just for the sake of it. I was almost disappointed that she was so easily manipulated.

Red's mouth fell open as she realized what I'd done and I braced myself for her familiar animosity. Instead, her mouth snapped shut and her gaze narrowed. "Oh you're good, Sam Uley. I'll give you that. Reverse psychology, _fantastic_."

I smiled, but didn't look up. "I thought so. Works really good on my little sisters."

She laughed, perhaps for the first time since I'd imprinted, just a little thing that seemed to escape her lips without her permission. "Whatever," she said with a resigned sigh. "Show me the goddamn skirt."

The day festivities were innocent, filled with mostly dancing, music and the sharing of food. It was a day of community, as the Spring Solstice Celebration was a day to rejoice in the birth, rebirth, and grown of all thing. It was a day for blessing. The women sat around the small fires, painting brilliant streaks of red across the cheeks of the tribes children, to call to the spirits to help them grow strong in the coming year. Three women in our tribe were pregnant, bellies bared and striped with lines of yellow and white; blessings for easy births. The ground was blessed, the trees were blessed, the ocean _breeze_ was blessed.

I spied Red from where I had been squirreled away in the Council tent. She was taking it all in with a wide-eyed fascination I had never seen in her. I recognized Rachel's skirt where it hung loose on Red's hips; thin, carefully constructed layers of chocolate-brown, store bought cotton, cut and hand sewn to fall like petals mid-calf. The skirt was heavy at the hem with tiny glass beads and bells, and she's paired it with a plain white top, as most of the tribe women had. She looked beautiful, and a little wild, her mess of hair falling down, free of it's usual pony-tail. It was longer then I expected, long enough to nearly reach where her waist curved into her hips.

I swallowed, over come with how badly I loved her, how fiercely and how deeply. It choked me, settling in my throat like a constant reminder. I _loved_ her. And for all that it_was_ the imprint, not _all_ of it was. I loved her defiance, for all that it drove me spare. I loved her loyalty, her pride. I loved the lines between her eyes and the way she'd fight tooth and nail to prove her strength. I loved that strength. _I loved her. _For her.

"You might want to tone it down Sam," Billy said with a chuckle, rolling to a stop beside me. "You glow any more brightly and people will start asking you if you're pregnant. You look like a man in love, Sam."

"I..." I took a sharp breath, turning to him. "It..._burns_." it was the only way to describe the feeling, a burning.

"The last time one of you boys said that to me he was talkin' about his pee," Billy commented. "This is a nice change."

The sun set, painting the sky a brilliant orange and red, and the tribe waited as the young and old made their ways home, exhausted by the festivities. Night came upon us, without Red ever leaving, and though I worried, there was nothing to be said of it. I had a job to do, and Billy and Jacobs mischievous smirks were proof enough that it wasn't an accident she was still there.

I lead the official rites of the lands myself, sprinkling the ash of our ancestors and blood of myself at the very heart of our land. My palm stung for only a moment where I nicked it, squeezing my palm over the burning fire. It burst into a mostly theatrical cloud of amber smoke, billowing upwards to catch the night wind. Words of blessing were repeated through out the gathered tribe, and I watched, amused, as Jacob elbowed Red, urging her to say them too. She stumbled over the harsh pronunciation, but smiled too. Jacob had no doubt played a mostly ignorant part, only happy to keep her at his side. Billy though, I didn't understand his motives.

The smoke cleared, leaving embers burning bright in their pit, and I tore my eyes from Red. There were things to be done, now. The day was for Blessing, but the night was for_Vision_. While I couldn't doubt that there could be some truth in visions (who was I to doubt our legends?) I knew that mostly, the night was about...hallucinogens. No matter how the Elders spun it, the tea was spiked. It was harsh, but still mostly true.

"Bella's grandma, Marie Elizabeth Swan was said to have prophetic dreams," Harry Clearwater commented, as he curled a demanding hand over my forearm, pinning me in place more with a silent warning then any real power. "I wonder if she passed it on? Guess we'll find out, eh?"

It took a moment for his words to cut through me, and I felt myself freeze, horrified, as I watched Old Quill shove a brown clay passing bowl into Reds unsuspecting hands. The glint in his eyes was bright as he urged her to drink the fucking _mushroom tea_. It spilled from her mouth, as he tipped it further against her lips, staining a line down her throat. She choked and sputtered as he laughed at her, eyes flickering towards me.

It was easy to see that the Elders had plotted this between them; Billy, Quil and Henry, like tribal mutiny or a horrific display of initiation.

Billy was at my side in a second, Jacob behind him, his own eyes too bright and dilated to be helpful at all; he'd been drinking the tea too then. Billy shoved another clay passing bowl into my hands even as I watched my Red. "Drink Sam," he said, urgently, pushing at my hands. "Drink it. It's part of the rite, you know that. _Drink_ Sam."

I drank.

Too soon I found myself standing at the heart of our land, on the deer-skin alter cloth, bowl of ash-and-berry paint cupped in my palm. My heart was hammering, colors meshing before my eyes. The whole damn world was beginning to blend already. They came to me, the members of my tribe who wished it, kneeling for their Chiefs blessing, even single one of them singing with the same whirlwind feeling. It was a heady thing to mark them mine, and have them accept me thusly. It felt right, as dictated by our Gods, as if they had a hand inside me.

That _had_ to be the tea talking.

It went as smoothly as I could have hoped for, save for when I found a stumbling Red kneeling before me, Jacob behind her, his smile for me and not a little bit challenging. Her eyes danced, pupils so big they left little brown around them. The Ancestors...no the _tea_...burned through my veins...leaving me empowered in a way that would be most likely embarrassing tomorrow. But this was my mate, this was _mine_, this thing before me, and I wanted to mark it so. My fingers danced over her forehead where every one else had been given my mark, but I paused, heart hammering in my chest as a decision was made not wholly my own, I thought.

_Fucking tea._

I pushed her hair off her shoulder instead, painting a messy symbol over her clavicle. The ash was sticky and bright against her pale skin in a way it wasn't on our own, and I couldn't believe what I had written in my moment of fucking mushroom insanity.

_Beloved_.

A harsh cry rent the air as the fire exploded into another mostly theatrics cloud of smoke, and was quickly echoed by every member of the tribe who lingered on for the evening rites. She startled, shaking herself from my gaze. Before she could escape, I tugged her hair back over her shoulder.

I was an _idiot_. What the hell was I thinking?

There was no time to dwell though, as the members of my tribe formed their circle around the little fire, eyes lingering on my Red, who had no idea she'd just been ordained into our tribe and as my fucking consort no less, not that they knew as much. Hopefully. The chanting lulled me, taking me away from all my worry, and I gravitated to her, before everything was just _lost_.

Lost to a whirl of dark eyes, bright fire,and a bowl full of mushroom tea.

**A/N **Wasn't the quote perfect?


	10. Family

**Chapter Ten – Family**

**Title: **Through the Window Came the Wind

**Author** : lifelesslyndsey

**Disclaimer**: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

**Pairing: **SamxBella

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warning:** language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

**Summary: **He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

"_**Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."**__  
Jane Howard_

The next morning came like a punch to the gut. I peeled my eyes open and found myself in wolf form on my bedroom floor, covered in burs and dirt. My head was empty, at least; phasing would now be painful _and_ awkward, taking the burs stuck to my tail into account.

"Sam?" Red croaked, and I looked up sharply, seeing her scent in the air; orange in color and spicy-warm. Red looked different then I remembered, in wolf form. More _mine_, the wolf echoed in my mind. She was _more_ mine then she was the first time my wolf had seen her, whatever that meant. "I know they warn you about drinking the Kool-Aide, but I wasn't expecting the comely little elders to feed me spike dirt water," she muttered.

I whined, covering my snout and flattening my ears. It wasn't like I'd planned it. To be fair, they fed me spiked dirt water too.

"You're freaky elders force fed me drugs, Sam," Red groaned, rubbing her eye with the heel of her palm. Her voice was soft and void of it's usual hostility. It was kind of pretty, when she wasn't yelling and cussing and telling me she hated everything about me."I saw..." She stopped abruptly, turning away.

Whining, I crawled across the floor on my belly till I could bump my head against her thigh on the bed. I figured she wouldn't be exactly welcoming if I were in human form and I wasn't really ready to deal with the bur situation, not in front of her anyway. She'd have to deal with the wolf.

It was exhilarating, being like this before her, and having her accept it so easily. Much more easily then my human form, I though ruefully. I trusted the wolf with her like I'd trusted it with no one. Absently, her hand reached out, fingers raking through the fur of my muzzle, like I was a goddamn house pet.

What had she seen?

"I think I like you better like this," she murmured, quiet like a secret. "You can't yell at me. Can't tell me what to do...can't ask me questions I don't want to answer." Red sighed, as I pushed my head right into her lap. She laughed, as I nuzzled her stomach, snuffling. She smelled _good_, but that wasn't surprising. "I don't know what you want. You make me damn crazy but you seem...like you care, for whatever reason. Jake says it's just you're way, that you're just a caring _person_. He doesn't like it when I talk bad about you..."

Whining, I nuzzled at her again, burrowing my head up under her arm until she pet me harder. This, _this_ I couldn't have as a man, not yet. I looked up,at the smear of berry and ash on her shoulder, painting her as mine, and licked it away, much to her squeaky squeals of protest. She _laughed_, pushing at my snout. She never laughed for me; for Jacob, and even on occasion for Quil or Embry, but never for me. "Hey! I never got to ask what that meant."

And she never would. Not yet.

_Not yet._

"I don't know what it is about you that makes me want to scream." I licked her hand, tasting her sweat, and she sighed. "But...this doesn't change anything."

Of course not.

As if it could be that easy.

Red left when she was steady enough on her feet. We were both on edge after I'd phased, she mostly due to embarrassment, and me due to...burs. The air was nothing but volatility and static, and we both knew we were to close to our limits to push any buttons today. As her truck faded down the road to nothing but a faint orange blot on the otherwise bleary horizon, I made my slow and aching way to the shower, scrubbing off a nights worth of mushroom dreams. I smelled a bit like her, but I couldn't remember why. Judging from my situation downstairs, I could safely say that no matter what we did do, we didn't fuck.

Half an hour later saw me at my Momma's house, freshly scrubbed but no less tired.

"Sam!" Nora and Anna squealed in duet as I pushed open the door. I caught them as they crashed into me, tiny hands clinging to my bare knees. "You were real good yesterday!" Nora said excitedly, dipping a hand into my pocket to fish around for whatever I could have in there. As I had nothing, I pulled her tiny hand free, and swung her up on my hip, taking Anna by the hand, through the house.

"Thank doll," I said, hiking her up higher as she clamped her little legs around my waist. "You two both looked very pretty. Did momma help you make you're skirts?"

Momma appeared at the doorway, a sheepish smile on her face. "Emilia sent them actually."

I swallowed, turning my glare toward the innocent fridge instead of my mother. "How nice of ."

"Grandma said she made them special," Anna piped in, oblivious to my ire. "Just for us!"

"Alright girls, be good and go run outside. Stay where I can see you!" Momma said, ushering them out the door. It slapped shut, and she turned to me. "Emilia is trying, Sammy baby. I know she wasn't there for you-"

"She wasn't there for _us_," I replied sharply, pounding my fist down on her counter. "She's almost worse then him." Not really. Not by a damn mile, but it still stung the way they thought they could just barge into our lives.

Her frown was puckered on one side, never quite right were the faint pink scars still marred her. "Now Sam, that isn't fair. Just because she's his mother-"

"Doesn't give her a right to just barge into their lives and stake a damn claim, momma. You know how I feel about this," I cut her off, in a rare show of defiance. This was one of the only subjects I ever really had anything to say about. Josh Uley, Emilia Uley, they were all the damn same to me. The never gave two shits about us before, so why now?

Cuffing me upside the head, momma slapped her hand on the counter hard enough to rattle the lone glass of water atop it. "Dammit Sam! I know you've always been there for me, and the girls, and you've given up so much for them, Sam, but they are _my_ children, just like you, and it's not your choice. I want...I want Emilia in their lives! I want them to have that, a doting grandparent! I want them to have all the things you missed out on because-"

"I didn't miss anything," I said swiftly. "I had you, and that's all I've ever needed. I don't understand how you could just let her back into your life after all she's done to you, Momma, I don't get it."

"Baby," momma said gently. "Emilia didn't take Josh away from us. He did that on his own. She...might not have approved of me, yes, but she didn't make him leave."

"I know that," I snapped, rubbing my hand over my face. "I do. But she wasn't there either. She...God Momma, she denounced me as her grandson in front of the tribe. She called you a whore, said I wasn't of her line-"

"And Joshua protested her claim, honey. He stood up in front of the council and named you his own." Which was more than he'd done for Embry, I thought sadly.

"That's suppose to make it better? The only thing that man has ever given me was my name and my sisters," I said from between my teeth. "And that took what? Two days top?"

"He comes around," momma said, raising a brow.

_Comes_ around. Not came.

"Momma."

"Sam."

"Momma _no_," I breathed, shoulders slumping. This was the last goddamn thing I needed right now. "When? Have the girls seen him? Momma, please, I know you love him but don't-"

"Don't you go on lecturing me Samuel Joshua Uley," she cut me off sharply. "The girls haven't seen him. He's..."she took a deep breath, turning away from me. "He's living in Sequim now. I thought maybe if...if he stuck around for a while, a long while, he might...they _might_ meet him."

I stared at her back, unblinking, as something cold and slimy crawled it's way up from my throat to settle in my stomach. I couldn't deal with this. I just couldn't. Josh Uley, my fucking kryptonite. "I suppose my opinion doesn't matter?"

It startled a laugh out of her and she spun to look at me with a rueful little smile. "Oh I don't know about that. You've never been quiet in sharing your _opinions_ with the girls. They're going to hate him."

"Nothing he doesn't deserve," I replied, sounding about as petulant as Red on a bad day.

She looked up, sad smile twisting her lips. "He'd like to see you, you know. He asks about you...about-"

"No," I replied, shortly. "Just...no. How could you even think...how could you even..._no_." I took a deep breath, pushing away from the counter. "I'm sorry momma, but no. Never. Just..._never_. I have to...I'm sorry..." I spun on my heels, yanking open the back door as my momma called out to me.

"Sam!"

"Sam?"

The voices echoed each other, causing one brief moment of utter confusion before I realized that Red was sitting on my momma's porch, right in the rocking chair I'd built when the girls were born, looking tiny and quite honestly frightened.

"What are you doing here!" I barked out, as momma pushed open the door, eyes darting between Red and I. I couldn't look at her right then, knowing she'd been with him again.

"My truck-"

I was already yanking her up out of the rocking chair by her fore arm, dragging her bodily across the small strip of yard between momma's house and the cabin. God, she'd probably heard it all, and I couldn't fucking take that. I was suppose to be strong for her, help her grow the fuck up, when I couldn't...I just couldn't _get the fuck over it._

I never would. My grudge would die with me. Rot and fester in the ground with me. Become one with the dirt and Earth with me and grow back through from the ground like eternal fucking hate-daisies.

I pushed her into the kitchen, picking her up forcefully and dropping her onto one of the stools. "Shut up for a minute," I growled, turning to the sink. I wasn't mad really, other then that I was fucking pissed, but it was contained. It was _always_ contained. Gathering my self back together, I turned to her with a carefully calm and curious eye. "You left. And now you're back. Whats wrong?" There, back to Sam The Protector, the go-to man. _That's_ who I was; I had no room to lose my cool.

Red stared at me silently, brow raised high enough to get lost in her mess of hair. Quietly, she pushed herself off the stool, making her way around the counter. I felt backed into a corner as she pressed herself against me, wrapping her narrow arms around my waist tightly.

Frozen, I didn't return the impromptu little hug, hands held up awkwardly at my sides, careful not to touch her. But then she turned her face, cheek pressed against my chest, and I could feel her breath through my shirt and it just felt to good to have her here, as a _man_. I wrapped her up in my arms tightly, pressing my face into her hair. It smelled like the smoke from last nights fires, and ash and berry paint.

Josh Uley had no place in my life. That wouldn't change.; I couldn't be the rock I was expected to be with him fluttering in and fucking my shit up. I had enough on my plate balancing Alpha, chief, brother, and imprint. I couldn't add pathetic, abandoned, fucked up son in there, I really couldn't. There wasn't enough of me to pass around for that.

A honk outside the house sounded, and I peered out the window to see Charlie in the cruiser. Red pushed back, hands still on my waist as she looked up at me with a puckered brow but small smile. "I'm so glad you have issues too," she said with a disparaging, breathy little laugh before letting me go and disappearing out my door and taking half my damn sanity with her.

Cause' the world wasn't right when Joshua was back and Red was being..._nice_.

**TBC**


End file.
